


The Killer Whale Job

by Snacky



Category: Leverage
Genre: Case Fic, Humor, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-11
Updated: 2015-07-11
Packaged: 2018-04-07 14:13:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4266282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snacky/pseuds/Snacky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"They're called <i>killer whales</i>, Parker! You don't get tagged a killer for being a fluffy bunny!"</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Killer Whale Job

**Author's Note:**

  * For [spiderfire](https://archiveofourown.org/users/spiderfire/gifts).



> For spiderfire. They're my OT3 too. :)
> 
> I fudged a few details about orcas and Seattle. Hopefully not anything too egregious.

It hadn't been Eliot's idea to take the job in the first place. But Parker and Hardison had watched some damn documentary about orcas when he was doing a little favor for a friend in Haiti, and he hadn't heard the end of it for weeks.

Then Kathy Milligan from Whale Watch Express had come to them with a story about two whales disappearing from the oceans, and turning up at the new Zooquarium in Seattle, and Eliot just _knew_ they were going to take the job, despite the fact that _killer whales_ were involved. Over his strong protestations, Parker and Hardison had decided to take the Zooquarium on, and promised Kathy Milligan that the two whales would be back in the ocean where they belonged very soon.

"They're really quite gentle and intelligent," Parker assured him, as they settled in for Hardison's run-down on the Zooquarium.

"They're called _killer whales_ , Parker! You don't get tagged a killer for being a fluffy bunny!"

The run-down wasn't anything out of the ordinary. The Seattle Zooquarium was the latest in a national chain owned by AquaLife Enterprises, CEO Steve Whelker. As Hardison pointed out, Whelker didn't exactly have a good reputation. He'd been ousted from two private zoos before he started AquaLife Enterprises, and had only moved into fish and sea mammal theme parks because the animals were far less regulated than in an average zoo. There'd been protests and lawsuits filed against Zooquariums in the past, but AquaLife had always settled out of court, and refused to engage with the protesters, insisting that their treatment of the sea mammals was completely humane.

"Which is unlikely, considering he's stealing orcas," Hardison pointed out.

"Yes, very unlikely, but what's the plan to get them back?" Eliot asked. "None of us know anything about killer whales —"

"Orcas," said Parker.

Eliot rolled his eyes. "Fine, _orcas._ And it's not like we have a wh— orca consultant we can bring in on this."

Parker gave him one of those brilliant smiles that Eliot was sure was going to stop his heart for real one day. "No, but we have a operations consultant to help the Zooquarium with its image and its day-to-day running." She pointed at Hardison. "And we have a protester who Mr. Whelker will agree to sit down and discuss things with, after the protests shut down the Zooquarium for a day." She pointed at herself.

"We still don't have anyone to take care of the whales, though," Eliot grumbled.

"Oh, but we do." And this time it was Hardison's turn for a brilliant smile. Eliot hadn't seen him smile like that since the time Parker dressed up as Black Widow for his birthday. "We've got us one bona fide whale trainer, straight from the Key Largo Sea-Fantasy, here to help with the the new orcas." And he pointed at Eliot.

"Damn it, Hardison! I don't know anything about whales!"

"Orcas. And you know how to scuba dive. I'll get you a copy of _Orcas For Dummies_ , and you'll be fine." Oh, that was even bigger than the Black Widow smile. That was the smile Hardison saved just for Eliot, and it meant nothing but trouble for him.

"Scuba diving has nothing to do with killer wh— orcas!"

Parker draped an arm around his shoulders, leaning in close. "Oh, Eliot, it'll be fine. When have we ever let you get in over your head?" And she started giggling, while Eliot stared at her like she'd been replaced by an alien. 

"It's funny, see, because you're going to be swimming with whales! In water over your head."

Eliot was sure when he did die, it would be because of one of Parker's plans, whether job-related or bedroom-related. Honestly, the latter would be his desired death, but when had Eliot ever gotten to choose?

Hardison moved to Eliot's other side, his arm going over his shoulder too. "Come on, Leverage International. Let's go steal ourselves — "

Eliot shook them both off, stalking towards the door. "Don't say it!"

"— A couple of orcas!"

"Damn it, Hardison!"

*************

Eliot had to admit that Parker was right: the killer whales really _were_ quite gentle and intelligent.

So intelligent that he found himself talking to them in his role as trainer.

He still wasn't quite sure how he ended up as the trainer, and really, both Parker and Hardison seemed jealous of him.

"Are you kidding, man? I'd give anything to be working with the orcas. You just happened to have the natural talent for it," Hardison told him. "You've had experience training animals before."

"Horses. Horses! That's not the same as killer whales!"

"Orcas! Remember, you have to call them orcas, or you'll blow our cover in a heartbeat."

"Fine, fine," Eliot grumbled. "But you still haven't got me the book."

"What book?"

" _Orcas for Dummies."_

He could still hear Hardison's laughter ringing in his ears. 

But the upside about Parker being right about the wh — _orcas_ , how intelligent they were, meant that Hardison wasn't far off the mark either. Eliot did know a few things about training animals, and the orcas, Spike and Aristotle knew how to learn. In fact, they were eager for it. Eliot was pretty sure they'd been bored as hell in that tank until he arrived.

"You guys just needed something to do, didn't you?" he asked Spike, as they both watched Aristotle perform a perfect backflip. "Hanging around with nothing to do gets me antsy too."

Spike bobbed her head, as if in agreement, and Eliot had to wonder for a moment if she'd really understood the question.

"Eliot?" Parker's voice came through the earbud. "Who are you talking to?"

"No one." But Spike didn't like that, and Eliot found himself soaked as she splashed her tail at him and swam off. "Damn it, Spike!"

"Eliot?"

"Nothing," he said quickly. "What's up, Parker?"

"We've got a Problem."

"Of course we do." It seemed like a Problem was part of every job, so Eliot wasn't particularly worried, not yet. It just required a change of plans, and if there was one thing Parker had gotten good at, it was working around the Problem.

"They're moving the orcas." That was Hardison, and Eliot could hear the urgency in his voice.

"Moving them where?"

"To the Zooquarium site in Orlando." Parker sounded a little regretful. "Evidently my protesters did their job too well. When I met with Whelker, he agreed that the orcas didn't belong here in the Zooquarium in Seattle. Too much protesting. I think we might have gone a little too far." 

The protestors were, of course, Sophie's former students. Eliot couldn't say he was surprised by the "too far" part. "When are they moving them?"

"The truck is coming tomorrow." Eliot could hear the keyboard clicking as Hardison's fingers flew. "I can buy us some time. I can intercept the directions they've been sent, and send them the long way. Instead of 6 a.m., they'll get here at 6 p.m. But that's all I've got. Whelker liked the plan I gave him for the saltwater pen outside the Zooquarium, but it'll take a while to get it built. In the meantime, he's moving the orcas they have now to Orlando. I guess he figures they'll just trap a few more when the pen is ready.

Eliot glanced over at Spike and Aristotle, who had stopped playing together, and were watching him like they knew about the Problem. Of course, the plan had been to get them into the seawater pen, and then the orcas would "escape" into the Puget Sound, free again. And Welch's and the Zooquarium's reputation would be ruined when Hardison released all the information they'd uncovered about the illegal capture of the orcas, and the mistreatment of the animals in the Zooquarium.

"The tank they're in now is small enough, and he wants to put them in a truck and drive them across country?" Eliot shook his head, as he watched the two orcas staring at him. Just a few days ago, they'd been lethargic and miserable, he was sure. Since he'd arrived, he'd done his best for them, but there was only one place the orcas really belonged."I don't think they'll survive that."

Hardison's voice was grim. "They could fly them, but shipping them via truck is _cheaper._ They'll be dry shipped too — in slings with people on hand to wet them down."

"You know how Whelker feels about saving money." Parker was equally grim. "But we're ready to go with the information. We can still get it out. Hopefully just releasing it will cause the state to step in and take custody of the whales."

"And what? Sell them to the highest bidder? No." Eliot's voice was determined. "We're not letting that happen." And then he knew just what to do. "Parker, get ahold of Kathy Milligan, and Sophie's students again. We're going to need as much help as we can get."

**********

Eliot's idea had gone fairly well. Kathy Milligan readied people to help with the whale transport, Parker rallied Sophie's students back for some more protesting, Hardison had kept the truck diverted until 6 p.m., as promised.

And Eliot had gone to Steve Whelker in a rage (which had nothing to do with the part he was playing), insisting that as the orcas' trainer, he be allowed to accompany them on their transport. It had taken some threats of revealing the truth about the Zooquarium operations to others within the zoo world, before Whelker had agreed, but in the end he had. Eliot and a team of his own choosing could accompany the orcas to Orlando, making sure they were safe.

Of course, Eliot didn't intend for the trip to be that long, but as far as he was concerned, the orcas would end up safe, where they belonged.

"His" team was ready and waiting — people sent by Kathy Milligan to tend to the orcas during their stressful move and transport in the truck. Kathy also was waiting with more help, to get the whales back into the water, once they had got them away.

"Don't worry," he told Spike and Aristotle, crouched low beside them as the animals were fitted with slings, and made ready to load onto the transport. "We're going to take good care of you, I promise."

Spike splashed him right in the face, and Aristotle made a sound like that sounded to Eliot's ears like, "yeah, right." Eliot really couldn't blame them. They'd already been kidnapped once. This time, though, the kidnapping would would be different. 

This time, it would take them home.

That was the plan at least.

What he hadn't counted on was the armed guards Whelker had hired to accompany the transport truck.

"Hardison! Did you forget to mention the armed escort?" Eliot hissed.

"No, man! It wasn't part of the itinerary at all. Whelker must have hired them last minute. Protecting his investment, I guess."

"Can we do anything about getting rid of them?"

"I don't know how."

"I do." Parker's voice came through the earbud, strong and sure. And sounding quite a bit pleased with herself. Almost as pleased as when she wore the Black Widow outfit. "Leave it to me and the protestors. Eliot, can you drive the truck?"

"I can, but there's no way we can sneak _that_ past Whelker."

"Hmm…" It was a very thoughtful "hmm" too.

"Hmm? Parker, what are you thinking?"

But there was no answer.

"Parker? Girl? What do you mean by 'hmm'?" Eliot had to wonder how Hardison could still be so surprised by Parker after all this time. "Parker!"

Eliot went to check on the orcas in their slings on the truck, while Hardison tried to get Parker to respond. Spike and Aristotle were well attended, by all the people Kathy Milligan had sent, but there was no denying the whales felt as miserable as they looked.

"I promise, you'll be okay," Eliot assured them. Unfortunately for Spike, there was no way she could splash him this time.

When he climbed down from the truck, there was one of Parker's protestors waiting for him. A young woman who smiled at him. "Hi, I'm Marlene. Parker says you need me to drive the truck.

*************

Once Eliot had convinced the actual truck driver to sit this trip out (it had involved all the persuasive skills he had in his fists), it had been easy work to get him out of his uniform and Marlene into it (Eliot hadn't needed to help with that, much to his disappointment, as Marlene was just his type).

He briefed on her where they were headed when they climbed up in the cab, and he waved out the window to Whelker, who was watching the whole thing with a big smile for the press who had gathered. 

Once they were through the gates of the Zooquarium, Eliot was pretty sure that smile was wiped from his face.

"I'm releasing the information now," Hardison told them. "It'll be all over the internet, and every single member of the press there will be getting alerts on their phones in the next two minutes." He sounded very smug, and for a moment, Eliot had a brief image of _Hardison_ in the Black Widow outfit, but then he shook his head fast. 

"You're up, Parker."

He heard her holler through the earbud, and then the protestors were _everywhere._ These were just Sophie's students, there were hundreds and hundreds of them. Real protestors swarming the cars carrying the armed guards. There was chaos all around them, but the truck pulled away, leaving the near riot behind.

He glanced at Marlene who was smiling as she maneuvered the big truck through the city streets and onto the highway. "I've never had a cargo of killer whales before."

"Actually, Marlene, they're _orcas._ "

*************

It had been easy after that. They headed out of the city, and towards the quiet cove where Kathy Milligan and her volunteers were waiting.

Well, getting the orcas out of the slings, and into the water hadn't exactly been a piece of cake, but everyone took care of Spike and Aristotle, as if they were the most precious of cargo.

Really, they were.

By the time Parker and Hardison arrived, Eliot was deep in the waters of the Puget Sound, releasing Spike and Aristotle from their slings. "See? I promised you that you'd be okay. You're home now."

The noise Aristotle made as he swam away was a trumpet of delight. But Spike stayed a moment longer, regarding Eliot.

"You're free, you know. You can go," he told her, reaching out to run a hand along her smooth side, one last time.

Spike bobbed her head and turned away, and gave him one last splash in return, before following Aristotle into the deeper water.

Parker and Hardison were waiting for him on the shore. "I think she was saying goodbye, man," Hardison, pointing at Spike, growing smaller in the distance.

"Maybe." Eliot shrugged. "What happened to Whelker?"

"Last we saw, he was repeating 'no comment' over and over, and there were some nice folks from the Department of Fish & Wildlife waiting to talk to him." Parker gave him one of her biggest smiles as she slung her arms over his and Hardison's shoulders. "You did a good job with the orcas, Eliot."

Eliot couldn't help the grin spreading across his face. "Parker, do you still have that Black Widow outfit?" he asked, as they walked back to the van.

"Sure do! And I'm wearing it next week."

"What's next week?" Eliot asked. It wasn't anyone's birthday.

It was Hardison's turn to grin. "She wants to wear it on the whale watch we're going on next week. I'm going to be Iron Man. And you're going to be the Hulk."

"Damn it, Hardison!" No way was Eliot going on a whale watch as the Hulk.

Bruce Banner, though, with his fellow Avengers in tow? He could do that. Superheroes going to see the whales. All in a day's work. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my betas for looking it over! All remaining errors are my own.


End file.
